Brilliant ways to troll people with quotes

Hi all, it has been a very long time since my last post, but I am back now after being so busy for so long. I have decided to write a post that is something completely different to what I have done before. (Goes with the blog name too I guess).

So….. We have all been there, you are in mid conversation and then randomly you find yourself thinking of a famous quote from a TV show or film and you could easily throw it in at this point. But you don’t. It’s okay though, you say, as nobody likes a smug troll, and after all they have killed your quotes with those ‘memes’ that plague everyone and everything online. I feel like I should highlight to you some incredible trolling quotes and when to use them. All hope is not lost. It will also remind you of your total insanity. Which I know you know you have.

First of all, Game of Thrones, not the book although that is awesome. The HBO show. Many quotes arise from this show. My favourite is the most recent one however, ‘there’s a beast inside every man, and it stirs when he puts a sword in his hand.’ A very popular quote, people like to change it to, ‘there’s a spoiler in every comment, and it stirs when you put a keyboard in his hand.’ Very true for any person who watches trailers on YouTube, DO NOT read the comments. Without lagging too much on Thrones, ‘spoilers is coming’ or anything else ‘is coming’ would sound great. In fact my university have even turned to trolling with an advert saying simply, ‘Grad Ball is coming.’ The show has many great quotes that you could troll but now I will move on to what most people consider its father.

The Lord of the Rings has my favourite troll quote of all time. Imagine all the times you have turned up late for something, or you believe you are going to be late for something. Next time you are accused of being late respond with, ‘A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives PRECISELY WHEN HE MEANS TO!’     The person you are talking to will hopefully be so confused he accepts the fact you are a wizard. Unless he calls for you to be sectioned, or he’s your boss and he fires you. But it would have been worth the laughs! Strangely enough you probably thought, ‘one does not simply’ would appear here, and you would be right, it just did. When you get into those awkward situations in staircases or supermarket isles where you are both constantly trying to pass each other but going the same way. This time, don’t let it phase out and timidly say sorry and walk on. Make it linger, stamp your feet and yell, ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS!’ You will receive some real insanity points there. Also if you know anyone taking a test or exam some time soon, it would be nice to yell that to them. Other quotes to use include, ‘NOT THE BEARD!’ which is to be screamed at friends who have recently shaved off their beard and telling people that ‘many of these trees were my friends’, while they are trying to read in the library. There are many more quotes you can use from the great LOTR but the only other major one which I cannot let you forget is for the days when you have something major to do, but you really cannot be bothered to move. ‘There may come a day when (insert what you should be doing) but it is not this day, THIS DAY WE SLACK!’ P.S. if you want to venture into Remi Gaillard territory and end up arrested for your trolling, you could walk up to someone carrying a bad and tell them, ‘I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you!’ and then calmly pick them up on your shoulder and walk off. This is however, likely to have repercussions  possibly involving the police.

The film Gladiator may have won many Oscars, but I cannot help laugh at the moment he throws his sword and yells, are you not entertained. In fact at the end of everything you watch or read you can always imagine Russell Crowe throwing his sword and yelling it, as if the people who created or wrote it want your approval. But also, if you are about to witness someone do a presentation, instead of giving them a traditional, ‘you can do it’ prep talk, why not tell them, ‘win the crowd, win your freedom’. If you are the one doing the presentation end with, ‘are you not entertained!’ Special note….. this may change peoples’ opinion on how your presentation went. From The Mummy, that someone over rated film with Brendan Fraser, you could always annoy people at the library again by yelling, ‘NOOO, you must not read from the book!’

One of my favourite ever films, Toy Story, gives us so many chances to make funny quotes. For example when in an argument with a friend who is pretending to be somebody they are not (it does happen), it is your duty to bring them back to reality. But what better way to do that then to shake them by the shoulders like woody would and tell them that they are a toy, a child’s playful. Also, when asked if you are sure about something (this actually happens almost daily when thinking about it) you could easily reply with, ‘I’m Buzz Lightyear I’m always sure!’

Braveheart teaches us how to troll sweet shops. When watching someone trying to decide to buy a chocolate etc, tell them that ‘every man dies, not every man truly lives’, and then walk off as if you’re Dynamo (the magician). This could also in the long run get you a job in the shop. There are almost countless amounts of TV shows and films you can use quotes from for funny purposes, you could even use an entire show like Spartacus and talk like you are in the show. (Very awesome and unique dialogue). Or from the great Liam Neeson film (the man has many), Taken, always say ‘good luck’ as if you are Marko from Tropoje.

Last but not least, no matter where you are, you could even be at tea with the Queen, if you hear the word ‘madness’ thrown out there, it is every mans duty to, ‘Madness?? THIS IS SPARTA!‘, that unfortunate person.

If you can think of any let me know, or if you have not seen anything that I have mentioned but you have your own, let me know!